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Breaking Society’s Familial Expectation: Why I Don’t Want A Mini-Me

Throughout my 21 years of life, I can honestly say I have never wanted kids. Growing up, I always heard “You’ll change your mind as you get older.”

Well… I’m older. And I still don’t want kids.

People keep telling me I still need to be older than the age I am now to want to have kids. I just don’t feel an ounce of desire to have them and I don’t see myself wanting them in ten years either.

I feel I am not fit to be a mother. I see the good qualities of mothers and I just don’t feel I could properly raise a decent human being. Now, if I were to become pregnant unintentionally, there’s no doubt in my mind that I would love my child unconditionally and endlessly. I understand there is no greater bond than the one between a mother and her child. I would do whatever it took to raise that child if I were to get pregnant.

But I don’t have any plans to be and will take all precautionary measures to avoid pregnancy.

One of the reasons I am avoiding parenthood is because right when I graduated high school, I saw an alarming amount of people getting married and having kids through pictures and status updates on social media. I couldn’t picture myself in their shoes.

tumblr_lnaln718DT1qlufpdo1_250Just barely being 18 years old, marrying the person I haven’t been with for very long, and having his babies. My first thought was “I can’t even get into bars… how could I possibly get married and try to raise a family right now?”

In the words of Eminem, “I’ve still got a lot of growing up to do. I’ve still got a whole lot of throwing up to spew.”

Even though these lyrics are essentially talking about doing drugs and drinking alcohol, the context remains the same: I am too young to take on those types of responsibilities and I still want to go out and enjoy my life before I even THINK about raising kids or devoting my life to one person. I want to live my life before I try to monitor someone else’s.

Another reason is because I couldn’t deal with having a sick or depressed child. You don’t get to choose your family and it makes it hard for those parents who birth children with disabilities or mental health issues. It’s all just a gamble.

Maybe I have a negative perception on how my potential child MIGHT turn out. And someone might say, “Well, you could also have the happiest, most talented, best child ever too!”

And yes, this is true. But the chance that my child goes through something traumatic to ruin that kills me. I don’t want my child to undergo the years of depression I faced. I would not wish that kind of emotional turmoil on anyone, especially not my own offspring.

And the chances of my child being depressed are high. Studies show that a person’s happiness is 50 percent genetics based. That’s a pretty good chance that my child will be unhappy.

And I know that how you raise a child has a lot to do with it too, but I feel I am too selfish to properly devote enough time and energy to raising a mini-me. I also couldn’t deal with the death of my child. I want to avoid people in my life dying as much as possible. It already kills me to think about anyone in my life right now passing away. I couldn’t even imagine the pain of losing a child and don’t ever want to find out.

Anyone else on the same page as me understands my justification for being a childless adult. There is just such a strong pressure to have a family. It’s a milestone that the media has deemed a necessary part of life. But now more than ever, there is an increasing amount of adults who are choosing the childless path.

For those who are unsure if they should have kids, here is a list of reasons you can piggyback on to rationalize your decision:

  1. You don’t like kids.
  2. You like sleeping.
  3. You like having sex.
  4. You like using your money for yourself.
  5. You like to swear. (THIS IS MY MAIN REASON I DON’T WANT KIDS! JK… KIND OF…)
  6. You like to watch movies uninterrupted.
  7. You don’t like cleaning up after someone else.
  8. You aren’t a patient person.
  9. You enjoy spontaneous plans made with friends and family.
  10. You want a killer bod for as long as possible.
  11. You like to travel.
  1. You don’t like to share your possessions or food.
  2. You don’t want to visit a school ever again.
  3. You like to be alone and enjoy quiet time and free time.
  4. You don’t want to deal with a feisty teenage girl or a disconnected teenage boy.
  5. You don’t want to hassle someone about how they should live his or her life.
  6. Nagging isn’t your thing.
  7. Monitoring your kids isn’t your thing.
  8. Putting someone else before you is a foreign concept.
  9. You have hobbies, goals, or other interests.
  10. Giving up your dreams and life plans is not something you are willing to do.

I stopped at 21 because that’s how many years I’ve been alive. I had enough time to think of one reason per year!

There are a lot of reasons why someone should not have kids beyond the ones I have listed. Your life will never be yours again. At some point, your child will resent you. Your relationship with your partner has a good chance of deteriorating. Your free time will be spent towards making dinner or preparing their big plans that don’t involve you.

Despite my list of reasons to not have kids, I did think of a good reason to have them.

This:

happy-family-silhouette-

The idea of having a loving family is something to live for. Love and connections with others is a huge part of what makes people happy. It gives people motivation to carry on when love is prevalent. There is no greater bond. Having a child means you have someone to take care of you when you are too old to take care of yourself. It means having the chance to raise an amazing person who can make a difference in the world.

Although I came up with many reasons to not have kids, I am also aware there are many reasons to have kids.

I just don’t think that lifestyle is for me and that’s okay. Anyone who doesn’t want a kid or doesn’t think they should have kids, probably shouldn’t. Only go into parenthood if you know you will raise a wonderful human being and be able to devote your life to this little human.

For me, I am fine with having puppies 🙂

tumblr_static_mom-dog-with-puppies

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